Thursday, July 12
A guaikia's guide to: VULGARITY by amanDa (author of best-non-selling book: thisisnotabookiwrotebecausethisisablog)
1.How to point middle finger...
... intentionally unintentionally?
there are various ways. firstly, push your specs up with your middle finger. secondly, dig your nose with your middle finger (not recommended to be done in public). thirdly, gasp and cover you mouth with your middle finger (warning: do not swallow the vulger finger)
... without actually pointing it?
this is a very good start for amatuer paikias. you can show your index fingers, middle finger and ring finger at your target and tell him, "read between the lines.". or you can show only your index and ring finger and tell him, "fill in the blanks please." for those who are too shy to voice out their civilised sense of vulgarity you can do what i call the kirstene handshake. you gather all your fingertips like youre eating Malay food and invert your hand, stick in in front of your target and swing your wrist back and forth. another way to do the Kirstene Handshake is to move your hand front and back.
... directly?
this dangerous stunt is meant only for the daring. first, glare at that bastard/bitch you hate so much, then, swing up your middle finger in front of them, and walk away. for extra effects you can sprinkle a few Fuck-you delights over your middle finger. (for suggestion on how to say them with style and zing, yes, zing, look at section 2, i.e, below, genius)
2. How to say the word Fcuk...
...directly?
another stunt meant for thedaredevils out there who dares risk their lives saying the word fuck infront of their mothers at home in front of the computer screen. first, glare at that bastard/bitch you hate so much, then, blurb out that word you wanted to say so much (hint: emphasize, people, EMPHASIZE) , and walk away. for extra effects you can sprinkle a few middle-finger delights over your fark you. (for suggestion on how to say them with style and zing, yes, zing, look at section 1, i.e, above, genius)
Disclaimer: this above instruction were not copied and pasted from the previous paragraph and editted
...when your mother is around?
yes, that dreadful feeling of sayin that sacred piece of art out loud in front of your mother. a suggestion, listen to folk music. then you go, "bring me home, country roads. folk this country road. folk that country road. folk this, folk that, folk every damned road on earth, folker!" this is a great line to pick up from.
or you can simply get a pet dog or cat (a dog's more effective) and name him/her Fork. so you can call "Fork! Fork! damnit Forker!"
...without actually saying it?
oh well, it's alright to be scared, it's the first try after all. it is very simple actually. as my friend does it, she simply replaces the word with fish. yes, the word fish holds a lot more meaning than you thought it had. had your idea of that pet guppy you had in your aquarium changed?
3.How to insult people...
...indirectly
fear of getting caught insulting? ever dreamt of insulting someone without the harshest of intention? well now you can! the best method is to counter their statements. example,
Friend Claudia: I enjoy looking into the mirror.
You: your poor thing, i bet you scared yourself to death everytime you do that.
Example 2
Friend Zing: I can't think, my brain, like, hurts.
You: I'm surpirsed. you have one?
Example 3
Friend Kirstene: oh my gosh. i got it wrong again. darn it, i just couldn't spell it. this is so shitty. can you spell idiot for me?
you: K-I-R-S-T-E-N-E!
Friend Kirstene: It's Kristen!
Example 4
Friend Sharon: My shit's coming out.
You: from your mouth? (WARNING: DO NOT TRY THIS AT HOME, IN SCHOOL, AT THE TOILET, OR ANY PLACE NEAR SHARON.)
Example 5
Friend Yingbin: ow, you smacked my boob.
You: Huh? What boob?
...directly?
the best thing to do, is to ask Sharon for tutorials. Beg her, kneel outside her house for days, starve yourselve, torture your bladder, stare at her with those big, shimery innocent puppy eyes, and that's a good to go.
...bimbotically?
well, now, you go to Zing-The-Bimbo for tutorials (she has been knighted Sir Bimbo and will be complaining about her Sir title for the next few minutes until she finds something new to complain about). Just go ask her directly and praise her (hint: if you just can't find any nice things about her -which happens most of the time- just find her bad points -everywhere- and turn it to good. it's called beat Horse backside). just one sentence will be enough for her to accept you.
...philosophically?
Now it's Kirstene's turn for tutorials. march up to her and tell her Kristen (remember, Kristen for that time, very crucial) that youwanted a tutorial with a few dashes of cheem vocabulary. if she rejected you, do a lopsided face which she is bound to laugh at or if it still doesn't work, walk away and say "this is so shitty" and she's bound to pull you back flappin herwings hands.
well, that's the end of the book. look for book two (coming soon in all major bookstores near you). hope you've enjoyed the book and learn a few things from there.
l0l it's been how many donkey years since i posted. phew, a lot of things to catch up on.working very hard on exams currently and realised that a man's penis is a complicated system of the urethra, bladder and stuff. i mean, BLADDER? come on, who has BLADDER? Appendix is like, the latest and hippest and style-iest thing in town. i got my appendix peirced. CO-OOOOL.
we've been practising very hard for our drama piece andi really hope everything turns out fine. i really hope that my acting skills had improved this time, by alot, i mean it. by a lot.
sa. soro soro!
1.How to point middle finger...
... intentionally unintentionally?
there are various ways. firstly, push your specs up with your middle finger. secondly, dig your nose with your middle finger (not recommended to be done in public). thirdly, gasp and cover you mouth with your middle finger (warning: do not swallow the vulger finger)
... without actually pointing it?
this is a very good start for amatuer paikias. you can show your index fingers, middle finger and ring finger at your target and tell him, "read between the lines.". or you can show only your index and ring finger and tell him, "fill in the blanks please." for those who are too shy to voice out their civilised sense of vulgarity you can do what i call the kirstene handshake. you gather all your fingertips like youre eating Malay food and invert your hand, stick in in front of your target and swing your wrist back and forth. another way to do the Kirstene Handshake is to move your hand front and back.
... directly?
this dangerous stunt is meant only for the daring. first, glare at that bastard/bitch you hate so much, then, swing up your middle finger in front of them, and walk away. for extra effects you can sprinkle a few Fuck-you delights over your middle finger. (for suggestion on how to say them with style and zing, yes, zing, look at section 2, i.e, below, genius)
2. How to say the word Fcuk...
...directly?
another stunt meant for thedaredevils out there who dares risk their lives saying the word fuck infront of their mothers at home in front of the computer screen. first, glare at that bastard/bitch you hate so much, then, blurb out that word you wanted to say so much (hint: emphasize, people, EMPHASIZE) , and walk away. for extra effects you can sprinkle a few middle-finger delights over your fark you. (for suggestion on how to say them with style and zing, yes, zing, look at section 1, i.e, above, genius)
Disclaimer: this above instruction were not copied and pasted from the previous paragraph and editted
...when your mother is around?
yes, that dreadful feeling of sayin that sacred piece of art out loud in front of your mother. a suggestion, listen to folk music. then you go, "bring me home, country roads. folk this country road. folk that country road. folk this, folk that, folk every damned road on earth, folker!" this is a great line to pick up from.
or you can simply get a pet dog or cat (a dog's more effective) and name him/her Fork. so you can call "Fork! Fork! damnit Forker!"
...without actually saying it?
oh well, it's alright to be scared, it's the first try after all. it is very simple actually. as my friend does it, she simply replaces the word with fish. yes, the word fish holds a lot more meaning than you thought it had. had your idea of that pet guppy you had in your aquarium changed?
3.How to insult people...
...indirectly
fear of getting caught insulting? ever dreamt of insulting someone without the harshest of intention? well now you can! the best method is to counter their statements. example,
Friend Claudia: I enjoy looking into the mirror.
You: your poor thing, i bet you scared yourself to death everytime you do that.
Example 2
Friend Zing: I can't think, my brain, like, hurts.
You: I'm surpirsed. you have one?
Example 3
Friend Kirstene: oh my gosh. i got it wrong again. darn it, i just couldn't spell it. this is so shitty. can you spell idiot for me?
you: K-I-R-S-T-E-N-E!
Friend Kirstene: It's Kristen!
Example 4
Friend Sharon: My shit's coming out.
You: from your mouth? (WARNING: DO NOT TRY THIS AT HOME, IN SCHOOL, AT THE TOILET, OR ANY PLACE NEAR SHARON.)
Example 5
Friend Yingbin: ow, you smacked my boob.
You: Huh? What boob?
...directly?
the best thing to do, is to ask Sharon for tutorials. Beg her, kneel outside her house for days, starve yourselve, torture your bladder, stare at her with those big, shimery innocent puppy eyes, and that's a good to go.
...bimbotically?
well, now, you go to Zing-The-Bimbo for tutorials (she has been knighted Sir Bimbo and will be complaining about her Sir title for the next few minutes until she finds something new to complain about). Just go ask her directly and praise her (hint: if you just can't find any nice things about her -which happens most of the time- just find her bad points -everywhere- and turn it to good. it's called beat Horse backside). just one sentence will be enough for her to accept you.
...philosophically?
Now it's Kirstene's turn for tutorials. march up to her and tell her Kristen (remember, Kristen for that time, very crucial) that youwanted a tutorial with a few dashes of cheem vocabulary. if she rejected you, do a lopsided face which she is bound to laugh at or if it still doesn't work, walk away and say "this is so shitty" and she's bound to pull you back flappin her
well, that's the end of the book. look for book two (coming soon in all major bookstores near you). hope you've enjoyed the book and learn a few things from there.
l0l it's been how many donkey years since i posted. phew, a lot of things to catch up on.working very hard on exams currently and realised that a man's penis is a complicated system of the urethra, bladder and stuff. i mean, BLADDER? come on, who has BLADDER? Appendix is like, the latest and hippest and style-iest thing in town. i got my appendix peirced. CO-OOOOL.
we've been practising very hard for our drama piece andi really hope everything turns out fine. i really hope that my acting skills had improved this time, by alot, i mean it. by a lot.
sa. soro soro!
you irritating bitch, you knew i couldnt help it and yet you still blame me. those eyes of yours that stared at me so pitifully fake,i wish i can gouge them out. you irritating bitch. i know my level of insults isnt much but it's my truest feelings. you irritating, selfish bitch. i hate that face of yours. it's so disgusting. i feel like puking. stop squinting your eyes, they may drop out. stop putting on a show, it's getting faker by the second.
P.S. you ARE fat.
rainy days never stay, 9:05 am.
