Wednesday, August 29
ZANS GUIDE TO CORNY AND CLICHE PICK UP LINES FOR THE UNATTRACTIVE - sponsored by other unattractives, some thought up by the author but its not the point
1. I don't feel good, can I feel you instead?
well, its not a very auspicious to start off a post with such a horny pick up line. well, if youre confident about your physical attributes and and your ability to hide that protruding belly of yours i say go for it. of course, when you are saying this, one big taboo is to drool. never drool when saying horny pick up lines. remember that. instead, how you should say is just strut over to yourvictim object of interest and electrify her with your squinting eyes and look at her boobs. say almost in such a tone that makes people think youre going to have sore throat soon. that my friend, is the way to go.
for girls, fret not. this book is a unisex one, because ultimately there are ugly girls and guys scattered all over the world. but please take note that i am not trying to imply that you are ugly. you may look not as attractive on the outside, but ultimately, with the right pick up lines, you will soon have guys drooling all over you. (is that the correct way to phrase it?)
anyway as i was saying, for girls all you have to do is catwalk up to that person in high heels and strike a pose, sticking your boobs and asses out and say it with a very very low voice. after that, flip your hair and stare right into his eyes.
2. Do you have a map? cause i seem to be lost in your eyes
speaking of eyes, this is one way to express your feelings for, well, thevictim object of interest's eyes. of course, technically speaking you cant reallly be lost in someone's eye. its just a expression of showing that the person's eye interest you so much you cant take your eyes off him. (pun not really intended but intend it if you want to) this, my friends, as my literature teacher has taught me, is known as a metaphor. but of course, when you really look into someone's eyes you won't really remember all the nerves inside, the cornea, the pupil, the colour sensors thingy and that the eye is actually one big ball of squishy thingy supported by a very thin stem of uh, tendons?
anyway, lets not go out of point here. unisexually, you look deep into that person's eyes and search around (one good tip would be to try to play a game: indentify the cornea, the pupils, the lenses. if you can, try to find the brain!)
3. If I could rearrange the alphabets, i would put u and i together
of course, you can't really rearrange the alphabets, that would raise alot of concerns from Oxford and ___(fill in names of other dictionaries)___. that would be a really uncalled for historical change, just like when the school canteen is being repainted. now the babies have to start learning their abcs (or should i put UIA?), teachers got to go thru the pain of teaching alphabets, the abc song will have to change... a disaster i say
anyway, this is once again, a figure of speech. one good time to say it would be when you and yourvictim object of interest is in the library. walk over to him/her and talk about the book he/she's reading*. then when you are having all the fun, tell him/her in such an innocent tone and flip your book as you say that, try to sound nonchalant (SP?)
* if you have absolutely no idea what that book is about (gasp, what if its the reflections log?) here are a few pointers to keep you looking interested and knowledgeable as you already look.
a) try to get a sneak peak at the title of the book. lets state an example, let the person who is saying pick up lines be kirstene and thevictim object of interest
be OII
kirstene: (takes a sneak peek of the cover page) reading Animal Farm?
OII: yeah. its a really great book.
kirstene: i like it too.
OII: really? you think so? i think its a really clever book.
kirstene: yes! i mean, some books are clever, some books are smart, but this is just so intelligent. (pointer: exagerate on what s/he says, like how you answer history questions)
OII: cool. what's your favourite chara?
kirstene: you know, the main one. the one always being talked about. (pointer: always say the main chara)
OII: Napolean?
kirstene: yes, Napolean. i find him just so cool. you can never find people like that in our world )try to keep it short)
OII: really? but hes supposed to be a dictator
kirstene: that's the cool part. i mean, how many people do you get to see being a dictator nowdays? (emphasize or repeat your point. altho in her case, it would be preferred if she looked up the word dictator) whats yours? (pointer: always ask back the same question)
OII: Boxer. hes really pitiful. but hes really gullible unfortunately.
kirstene: speaking of gullible i have a joke. (pointer: change the subject)
OII: whats it?
kirstene: my parents told me im gullible and i believed them.
OII: haha
kirstene: haha
OII: whered you get that from?
kirstene: my friend told me.
OII: oh i see
kirstene: how do you suppose the word gullible was formed?(pointer: try to relate the subject to english as much as possible)
OII: (explains how he suppose the word gullible was formed)
kirstene: you know, if i could rearrange the alphabet, i would put you and i together.
3. Hey I'm mr/s right. someone said you were looking for me
of course, make sure that you emphasize mr right isnt really your name.
one good way would be to call that person up and try to make her guess your name. you answer by saying no and then the pick up line. but one thing about using phones is that she may hang up on you if she thought you dialed the wrong number like how you did when somebody prank called you saying you bought a set of encyclopedia
4. do you have a bandaid? cause i scraped my knee falling in love with you
undoubtly, you dont have to fall to say you fell in love with your OII. one good way for guys is to pretend you injured your knee and pretend you are in GREAT PAIN, so painful you could play poker with a kingkong. when she comes over and being so caring and concerned strike at that moment. put on your pitiful face and doggy eyes and whimper if you must. that would surely melt her heart. (well technically no, she will die and youll be brought to court for indirect murder)
girls, to prove your feminity, change the pickup line to ...cause i injured myself. you moan in pain, try to go as low as possible, afterall, these men are still going through puberty. try to moan in "ffffff" "ahhhhhhhh" "KKKKKK". when he asks, say that line, moving your hands along your thighs to show the fact that its your legs that's injured, and if you could possible wear low cut and bend as low as possible. i could swear you will see their pants crinkle.
5. Do you believe in love at first sight? or do i have to walk past again?
my mother is nagging at me togo off the com stop writing this book so this shall be direct.
walk past you OII and flirt a little with him. catwalk if you can. flip your skirt as high as possible. flip your hair. electricfy him with your insightly eyes (pun intended)
for guys, just walk casually past her and brush her hand a bit. that'll take her notice. then smile at her and walk towards her and shoot.
well, its been fun writing. looks like my writing life has come to an end. my humour is eloping with drousiness and thenags constant reminders of authority. (its really the nag) looks like i have to go catch it with the crude pickup lines. til next time!
DISCLAIMER: NO RESPONSIBILITIES WILL BE TAKEN IF ANY OF THE ABOVE DOES NOT WORK AND RESULTS IN EVEN MORE PERSONAL ATTACKS TOWARDS YOU PHYSICAL ATTRIBUTES. THANK YOU FOR THE TROUBLE TAKEN TO ACTUALLY USE THE PICK UP LINES.
1. I don't feel good, can I feel you instead?
well, its not a very auspicious to start off a post with such a horny pick up line. well, if youre confident about your physical attributes and and your ability to hide that protruding belly of yours i say go for it. of course, when you are saying this, one big taboo is to drool. never drool when saying horny pick up lines. remember that. instead, how you should say is just strut over to your
for girls, fret not. this book is a unisex one, because ultimately there are ugly girls and guys scattered all over the world. but please take note that i am not trying to imply that you are ugly. you may look not as attractive on the outside, but ultimately, with the right pick up lines, you will soon have guys drooling all over you. (is that the correct way to phrase it?)
anyway as i was saying, for girls all you have to do is catwalk up to that person in high heels and strike a pose, sticking your boobs and asses out and say it with a very very low voice. after that, flip your hair and stare right into his eyes.
2. Do you have a map? cause i seem to be lost in your eyes
speaking of eyes, this is one way to express your feelings for, well, the
anyway, lets not go out of point here. unisexually, you look deep into that person's eyes and search around (one good tip would be to try to play a game: indentify the cornea, the pupils, the lenses. if you can, try to find the brain!)
3. If I could rearrange the alphabets, i would put u and i together
of course, you can't really rearrange the alphabets, that would raise alot of concerns from Oxford and ___(fill in names of other dictionaries)___. that would be a really uncalled for historical change, just like when the school canteen is being repainted. now the babies have to start learning their abcs (or should i put UIA?), teachers got to go thru the pain of teaching alphabets, the abc song will have to change... a disaster i say
anyway, this is once again, a figure of speech. one good time to say it would be when you and your
* if you have absolutely no idea what that book is about (gasp, what if its the reflections log?) here are a few pointers to keep you looking interested and knowledgeable as you already look.
a) try to get a sneak peak at the title of the book. lets state an example, let the person who is saying pick up lines be kirstene and the
be OII
kirstene: (takes a sneak peek of the cover page) reading Animal Farm?
OII: yeah. its a really great book.
kirstene: i like it too.
OII: really? you think so? i think its a really clever book.
kirstene: yes! i mean, some books are clever, some books are smart, but this is just so intelligent. (pointer: exagerate on what s/he says, like how you answer history questions)
OII: cool. what's your favourite chara?
kirstene: you know, the main one. the one always being talked about. (pointer: always say the main chara)
OII: Napolean?
kirstene: yes, Napolean. i find him just so cool. you can never find people like that in our world )try to keep it short)
OII: really? but hes supposed to be a dictator
kirstene: that's the cool part. i mean, how many people do you get to see being a dictator nowdays? (emphasize or repeat your point. altho in her case, it would be preferred if she looked up the word dictator) whats yours? (pointer: always ask back the same question)
OII: Boxer. hes really pitiful. but hes really gullible unfortunately.
kirstene: speaking of gullible i have a joke. (pointer: change the subject)
OII: whats it?
kirstene: my parents told me im gullible and i believed them.
OII: haha
kirstene: haha
OII: whered you get that from?
kirstene: my friend told me.
OII: oh i see
kirstene: how do you suppose the word gullible was formed?(pointer: try to relate the subject to english as much as possible)
OII: (explains how he suppose the word gullible was formed)
kirstene: you know, if i could rearrange the alphabet, i would put you and i together.
3. Hey I'm mr/s right. someone said you were looking for me
of course, make sure that you emphasize mr right isnt really your name.
one good way would be to call that person up and try to make her guess your name. you answer by saying no and then the pick up line. but one thing about using phones is that she may hang up on you if she thought you dialed the wrong number like how you did when somebody prank called you saying you bought a set of encyclopedia
4. do you have a bandaid? cause i scraped my knee falling in love with you
undoubtly, you dont have to fall to say you fell in love with your OII. one good way for guys is to pretend you injured your knee and pretend you are in GREAT PAIN, so painful you could play poker with a kingkong. when she comes over and being so caring and concerned strike at that moment. put on your pitiful face and doggy eyes and whimper if you must. that would surely melt her heart. (well technically no, she will die and youll be brought to court for indirect murder)
girls, to prove your feminity, change the pickup line to ...cause i injured myself. you moan in pain, try to go as low as possible, afterall, these men are still going through puberty. try to moan in "ffffff" "ahhhhhhhh" "KKKKKK". when he asks, say that line, moving your hands along your thighs to show the fact that its your legs that's injured, and if you could possible wear low cut and bend as low as possible. i could swear you will see their pants crinkle.
5. Do you believe in love at first sight? or do i have to walk past again?
my mother is nagging at me to
walk past you OII and flirt a little with him. catwalk if you can. flip your skirt as high as possible. flip your hair. electricfy him with your insightly eyes (pun intended)
for guys, just walk casually past her and brush her hand a bit. that'll take her notice. then smile at her and walk towards her and shoot.
well, its been fun writing. looks like my writing life has come to an end. my humour is eloping with drousiness and the
DISCLAIMER: NO RESPONSIBILITIES WILL BE TAKEN IF ANY OF THE ABOVE DOES NOT WORK AND RESULTS IN EVEN MORE PERSONAL ATTACKS TOWARDS YOU PHYSICAL ATTRIBUTES. THANK YOU FOR THE TROUBLE TAKEN TO ACTUALLY USE THE PICK UP LINES.
rainy days never stay, 7:24 am.
Sunday, August 26
Code Geass Review
i only watched 14 and a half eps so what i said might only be half accurate. ok. so in 2o1o (god its 3 years away) a country called Britannia invaded Japan and named Japan as Area 11. (sorry but i found this extremely ironic) so the original Japanese inhabitants are known as Elevens and the Britannian migraters (?) are named Britannians. (like duh) anyway. theres this youngster name Lelouch (say lu-lu-sh) who got involved in a terrorists (Elevens who try to rebel against Britannians) and he saved this girl who died while saving him and gave him a special power which enables him to order people and command absolute obedience known as 'Geass'. then he used this power to join forces with the terrorists group and because he helped them win battles, he was by default the leader of the gropu he called 'The Order Of The Black Knights'. of course he has to hide his identity and called himself 'Zero'. The girl who gave him power, also came to aid him and is only known as 'C.C' (Shi-zu)and he has a younger sister called ... i forgot. anyway so long ago before Japan was invaded he had this childhood friend called Kururugi who he met later on in the show. Kururugi is now a pilot for the Britannia Imperial Army and is expected to be loyal to the army and hence has a strong urge to take down Zero. and so begins a battle of wits and good animation.
what i dont like about this show is that it is very similar to the plot of Deathnote. just compare:
Lelouch - Light (smart, wanted a better world by using the wrong method, recieved 'special powers' [in Light's case, Deathnote])
Lelouch's sister - Light's sister (always the pitiful-lest one, kept in the dark, disabled [Lelouch's sister is blind, Light's sister cant move her legs later in the story])
C.C - Ryuk (mysterious people who helped the main charas but is not really on their side)
Kururugi - L (main chara's enemy and has no clues what is their enemies' identity, fights for justice)
Uncanny aint it? but the art by Clamp made up for almost everything. (:
we had Girlgems concert last night (claps for the Girlgems producers!) and it was really fun! Claud and i got to usher the judges (two ex-tkgians Jamie and Syafinaz's nee-san (look a lot like her and Paul Twohill - yes, the Paul Twohill) and we have to entertain them in the holding room while waiting for appearing. claud and i didnt know what to do, because the two tkgians just talked and talked and it would seem rude for us to interrupt them. but they were really nice la. Jamie is a dance instructor i think and tried to teach us Indian and Malay dance. haha.
then (he part youve been waiting for) Paul came in and he was funneh. at that time the rest of the planners and managers and tkgians came in to take pics with him so we didnt really talked to him. finally the crowd was gone and i think Syafinaz's nee-san said the aircon was kinda cold and Paul went over and tried to close the aircon flaps as such:
yeah. so and on. Paul told us to dance the Pussycat Dolls (which almost made me sing the retarded version of buttons) and he shook his butt like hell.
then the judges had to go down and we bid them adieu and good luck. we watched the contestants performed and had a great time watching them. (CHEER FOR LYNN!!!) and theres this performers called Mike and Kwai i think who came up. let the pictures speak for themselves:
they are not bad and during the interlude when the judges are in the holding room again they called them up and here are a few sneak shots claudia the pi took.
ignore the retarded arrows an the word Paul on it.
then SLEEQ CAME!!!! :D
at first we have totally no inkling of who the hell is Sleeq, only that they are a group. we are told to get them in the holding room and let them there and dont let anybody disturb them because they are tired after a performance. but they were funny!
there are basically 2 boys that sing, Alyph and Shariff. they are so funny! Alyph like, put the bandana on his neck over to his mouth and went "Freeze! Bang Bang Bang!" l0l! and he nicely asked for our names when we told them that were their entertainers for the day. he intorduced he and his camera crew and i think mixed names up anyway thanks to my short attention span really didnt notice.
then one of them was like, "this is a girls school what are we doing here? oh, these two," he pointed to Alyph and Shariff who were somehow innocently eating their currypuffs and round cakes they called balls, "are understable. they are gays you know."
somehow by that time all my sense of humour are gone. if the funniness didnt elope with tiredness i would have struck back, "dont worry, im a les as well."
and Shariff asked me if there was a toilet and we told him he has to walk past the stage, so he said never mind. luckily, i miracle landed upon me and i said, "you want a pot instead?"
yay he laughed
then they had to go down for performance and we were sitting there and admiring them. claud the pi did her job well enough and took a few pictures of the performance:
Please turn thy head. anyway, yeah, and they went back into the holding room. then we were entertained by their loud laughter. then one of them said he wanted to go out and as he opened the door coincidentally the crowd below screamed and he pretended to fall down. so funny man! he quickly closed the door. one of them said, "This is the loudest concert i have ever been to." l0l.
so Shariff noticed our entertained faces of the entertainers and asked us to entertain him (of course, to which the crew laughed and bended their minds). i replied we could tell jokes.
and i was so glad i said that. all of them gathered around us in a circle and had a joke exhanging corner. Alyph was like, "Ok, so this place is where all the jokes come out to."
so i started.
Haha and Hehe were very good friends. One day Haha died. So Hehe went to Haha's grave and told Haha, "Haha, youre dead."
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
trust me, that isnt 1/1oo of how big their laughter was.
and Alyph told a joke
An aeroplane was flying, phewwwwww, and it fell into the sea. where does it come out? It come out in the papers!
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
and halfway thru the joke, a guy beside Alyph had laughed so hard he fell off the chair and hit his leg against the brrom and was jumping about. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
an aeroplane was experiencing some technical difficulties and had to drop things to lighten the load. the first passenger dropped a stone, the second a luggage, the third a bomb. they landed in a village and saw this girl crying saying that her father has been hit by a stone from the sky and died. another boy was crying and said his father had been hit by a luggage from the sky and died. the last one was laughing. why? He laughed and said, "I just farted and the village went kaboom!
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Theres this bird hunter called John Fire because he has an amazing acuracy and has never miss before. so one day there was this bird right in front of this eyes but he shoot and all the remaining bullets never hit the bird. why? because the bird is in front of his eye!
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
There is this hinter who shoot down a bird. Why does the corpse of the bird had 3 holes?
this time Paul and the 2 judges came in and made me repeat the joke. Paul was like"the asshole.." and Jamie and Syafinaz's nee-san went, "14 year olds! 14 year olds!" "ok, the butthole"
we shook our head and Alyph said the correct answer.
the bird tried to block the attack by putting its two hands in front of it and the holes went thru. one. two. three
that was probably the last of our jokes exhanging session. then the judges and Sleeq and cam crew went on to chatting again. Syafinaz's nee-san said i was really a funny entertainer and the first word when i came into the room was "hello im your entertainer".
the judges thought i was funny
oh did i mention paul went on to talk to the audience and said very lame jokes because he just would sing. so he said
why does superman fly like this? to which he made the superman pose as such
whoops. i mean
like this.
to change gear
why did superman have a s in front? it was small-sized (thats why its so tight) ha. ha. so funny.
what do you call a prawn without legs? Lame sia no legs? lame? sia is prawn in chinese. ha. ha. ha. i. am. so. amused.
and he made another one about a girl killing herself with a spoon but i idnt really get it.
finally it was over and the girls swarmed up to take pics with Shariff and Alyph.
and as i was walking home to the mrt Paul was behind talking with a group of girls. he went ,"Amanda!". you shouldve seen the faces of the people!! Nyahahahaha!!!
and i went home and enjoyed my bread.
it has been a long post.
byebye
oh and more pics
rainy days never stay, 3:33 am.
Friday, August 24
yes i cried the other day. im not a tennis ball you can just use and pass to people with your racquet, and when the ball flies out of your reach, you go for another ball and others didnt bother to pick the ball up because you dont feel like it. for all the while i tried to keep the game going, i beared with the pain and just pretended that i enjoyed being in the air.
and you had to stop swinging the racquet.
everything that ive endure with, all have been flushed down the drain. yet again, i tried to smile and told myself being on the ground is fun as well. i tried harder for you to play the game of tennis again but now you just said that i have betrayed you and threw me away. the onlookers of the game thought i was a problematic little tennis ball as well.
fine, from now on, how you play your game of tennis, its your business and i know more than well than to help you win
you blamed that its the opponent who is hitting me too hard and spoiling me. but who was the one who invited to opponent to a game of tennis?
the next day, you and your opponent became partners in tennis now and everything is over. seeing that you both are happy, i tried to forget about how you have accused me of being a lousy tennis ball.
then the next day you told me secretly that your opponent have been spying on you and taking down notes on how you play during tennis to win you.
its just too much for me to take.
im sorry, but i cant be your ball any longer.
and you had to stop swinging the racquet.
everything that ive endure with, all have been flushed down the drain. yet again, i tried to smile and told myself being on the ground is fun as well. i tried harder for you to play the game of tennis again but now you just said that i have betrayed you and threw me away. the onlookers of the game thought i was a problematic little tennis ball as well.
fine, from now on, how you play your game of tennis, its your business and i know more than well than to help you win
you blamed that its the opponent who is hitting me too hard and spoiling me. but who was the one who invited to opponent to a game of tennis?
the next day, you and your opponent became partners in tennis now and everything is over. seeing that you both are happy, i tried to forget about how you have accused me of being a lousy tennis ball.
then the next day you told me secretly that your opponent have been spying on you and taking down notes on how you play during tennis to win you.
its just too much for me to take.
im sorry, but i cant be your ball any longer.
rainy days never stay, 8:30 am.
Monday, August 6
hello.
i feel philosophical today.
no not that philosophical.
this philosophical.
megan is trying desperately to do god-knows-what-kind-of excercise and she just collapsed in my house and is footing my chair
scary.
nothing more to say. except that at least this blog is somehow alive.
-amanDa
p.s. megan sat beside me and started laughing at what i am typing and my leg felt her stomache contracting.
i feel philosophical today.
no not that philosophical.
this philosophical.
megan is trying desperately to do god-knows-what-kind-of excercise and she just collapsed in my house and is footing my chair
scary.
nothing more to say. except that at least this blog is somehow alive.
-amanDa
p.s. megan sat beside me and started laughing at what i am typing and my leg felt her stomache contracting.
rainy days never stay, 2:22 am.
Saturday, August 4
i just freakin realise that i had actually 178 posts, and this would be my 179 post.
nothing to talk about today except that i ponned chi tuition and went to meet up with kirs, zing and meeegahn.
and one of my notes read:
"Boxer's reaction:
emotional
but knew that it was for the good of the farm
'i have no wish to take any lives, not even human ones.'
have sympathy
neighs"
yes neighs.
ohya! i saw y Butterfly today! he was wearing this white long sleeved shirt and a black tie it was so OMFG
im gonna work on my second book now...
nothing to talk about today except that i ponned chi tuition and went to meet up with kirs, zing and meeegahn.
and one of my notes read:
"Boxer's reaction:
emotional
but knew that it was for the good of the farm
'i have no wish to take any lives, not even human ones.'
have sympathy
neighs"
yes neighs.
ohya! i saw y Butterfly today! he was wearing this white long sleeved shirt and a black tie it was so OMFG
im gonna work on my second book now...
rainy days never stay, 10:07 am.
