Wednesday, August 29
ZANS GUIDE TO CORNY AND CLICHE PICK UP LINES FOR THE UNATTRACTIVE - sponsored by other unattractives, some thought up by the author but its not the point
1. I don't feel good, can I feel you instead?
well, its not a very auspicious to start off a post with such a horny pick up line. well, if youre confident about your physical attributes and and your ability to hide that protruding belly of yours i say go for it. of course, when you are saying this, one big taboo is to drool. never drool when saying horny pick up lines. remember that. instead, how you should say is just strut over to yourvictim object of interest and electrify her with your squinting eyes and look at her boobs. say almost in such a tone that makes people think youre going to have sore throat soon. that my friend, is the way to go.
for girls, fret not. this book is a unisex one, because ultimately there are ugly girls and guys scattered all over the world. but please take note that i am not trying to imply that you are ugly. you may look not as attractive on the outside, but ultimately, with the right pick up lines, you will soon have guys drooling all over you. (is that the correct way to phrase it?)
anyway as i was saying, for girls all you have to do is catwalk up to that person in high heels and strike a pose, sticking your boobs and asses out and say it with a very very low voice. after that, flip your hair and stare right into his eyes.
2. Do you have a map? cause i seem to be lost in your eyes
speaking of eyes, this is one way to express your feelings for, well, thevictim object of interest's eyes. of course, technically speaking you cant reallly be lost in someone's eye. its just a expression of showing that the person's eye interest you so much you cant take your eyes off him. (pun not really intended but intend it if you want to) this, my friends, as my literature teacher has taught me, is known as a metaphor. but of course, when you really look into someone's eyes you won't really remember all the nerves inside, the cornea, the pupil, the colour sensors thingy and that the eye is actually one big ball of squishy thingy supported by a very thin stem of uh, tendons?
anyway, lets not go out of point here. unisexually, you look deep into that person's eyes and search around (one good tip would be to try to play a game: indentify the cornea, the pupils, the lenses. if you can, try to find the brain!)
3. If I could rearrange the alphabets, i would put u and i together
of course, you can't really rearrange the alphabets, that would raise alot of concerns from Oxford and ___(fill in names of other dictionaries)___. that would be a really uncalled for historical change, just like when the school canteen is being repainted. now the babies have to start learning their abcs (or should i put UIA?), teachers got to go thru the pain of teaching alphabets, the abc song will have to change... a disaster i say
anyway, this is once again, a figure of speech. one good time to say it would be when you and yourvictim object of interest is in the library. walk over to him/her and talk about the book he/she's reading*. then when you are having all the fun, tell him/her in such an innocent tone and flip your book as you say that, try to sound nonchalant (SP?)
* if you have absolutely no idea what that book is about (gasp, what if its the reflections log?) here are a few pointers to keep you looking interested and knowledgeable as you already look.
a) try to get a sneak peak at the title of the book. lets state an example, let the person who is saying pick up lines be kirstene and thevictim object of interest
be OII
kirstene: (takes a sneak peek of the cover page) reading Animal Farm?
OII: yeah. its a really great book.
kirstene: i like it too.
OII: really? you think so? i think its a really clever book.
kirstene: yes! i mean, some books are clever, some books are smart, but this is just so intelligent. (pointer: exagerate on what s/he says, like how you answer history questions)
OII: cool. what's your favourite chara?
kirstene: you know, the main one. the one always being talked about. (pointer: always say the main chara)
OII: Napolean?
kirstene: yes, Napolean. i find him just so cool. you can never find people like that in our world )try to keep it short)
OII: really? but hes supposed to be a dictator
kirstene: that's the cool part. i mean, how many people do you get to see being a dictator nowdays? (emphasize or repeat your point. altho in her case, it would be preferred if she looked up the word dictator) whats yours? (pointer: always ask back the same question)
OII: Boxer. hes really pitiful. but hes really gullible unfortunately.
kirstene: speaking of gullible i have a joke. (pointer: change the subject)
OII: whats it?
kirstene: my parents told me im gullible and i believed them.
OII: haha
kirstene: haha
OII: whered you get that from?
kirstene: my friend told me.
OII: oh i see
kirstene: how do you suppose the word gullible was formed?(pointer: try to relate the subject to english as much as possible)
OII: (explains how he suppose the word gullible was formed)
kirstene: you know, if i could rearrange the alphabet, i would put you and i together.
3. Hey I'm mr/s right. someone said you were looking for me
of course, make sure that you emphasize mr right isnt really your name.
one good way would be to call that person up and try to make her guess your name. you answer by saying no and then the pick up line. but one thing about using phones is that she may hang up on you if she thought you dialed the wrong number like how you did when somebody prank called you saying you bought a set of encyclopedia
4. do you have a bandaid? cause i scraped my knee falling in love with you
undoubtly, you dont have to fall to say you fell in love with your OII. one good way for guys is to pretend you injured your knee and pretend you are in GREAT PAIN, so painful you could play poker with a kingkong. when she comes over and being so caring and concerned strike at that moment. put on your pitiful face and doggy eyes and whimper if you must. that would surely melt her heart. (well technically no, she will die and youll be brought to court for indirect murder)
girls, to prove your feminity, change the pickup line to ...cause i injured myself. you moan in pain, try to go as low as possible, afterall, these men are still going through puberty. try to moan in "ffffff" "ahhhhhhhh" "KKKKKK". when he asks, say that line, moving your hands along your thighs to show the fact that its your legs that's injured, and if you could possible wear low cut and bend as low as possible. i could swear you will see their pants crinkle.
5. Do you believe in love at first sight? or do i have to walk past again?
my mother is nagging at me togo off the com stop writing this book so this shall be direct.
walk past you OII and flirt a little with him. catwalk if you can. flip your skirt as high as possible. flip your hair. electricfy him with your insightly eyes (pun intended)
for guys, just walk casually past her and brush her hand a bit. that'll take her notice. then smile at her and walk towards her and shoot.
well, its been fun writing. looks like my writing life has come to an end. my humour is eloping with drousiness and thenags constant reminders of authority. (its really the nag) looks like i have to go catch it with the crude pickup lines. til next time!
DISCLAIMER: NO RESPONSIBILITIES WILL BE TAKEN IF ANY OF THE ABOVE DOES NOT WORK AND RESULTS IN EVEN MORE PERSONAL ATTACKS TOWARDS YOU PHYSICAL ATTRIBUTES. THANK YOU FOR THE TROUBLE TAKEN TO ACTUALLY USE THE PICK UP LINES.
1. I don't feel good, can I feel you instead?
well, its not a very auspicious to start off a post with such a horny pick up line. well, if youre confident about your physical attributes and and your ability to hide that protruding belly of yours i say go for it. of course, when you are saying this, one big taboo is to drool. never drool when saying horny pick up lines. remember that. instead, how you should say is just strut over to your
for girls, fret not. this book is a unisex one, because ultimately there are ugly girls and guys scattered all over the world. but please take note that i am not trying to imply that you are ugly. you may look not as attractive on the outside, but ultimately, with the right pick up lines, you will soon have guys drooling all over you. (is that the correct way to phrase it?)
anyway as i was saying, for girls all you have to do is catwalk up to that person in high heels and strike a pose, sticking your boobs and asses out and say it with a very very low voice. after that, flip your hair and stare right into his eyes.
2. Do you have a map? cause i seem to be lost in your eyes
speaking of eyes, this is one way to express your feelings for, well, the
anyway, lets not go out of point here. unisexually, you look deep into that person's eyes and search around (one good tip would be to try to play a game: indentify the cornea, the pupils, the lenses. if you can, try to find the brain!)
3. If I could rearrange the alphabets, i would put u and i together
of course, you can't really rearrange the alphabets, that would raise alot of concerns from Oxford and ___(fill in names of other dictionaries)___. that would be a really uncalled for historical change, just like when the school canteen is being repainted. now the babies have to start learning their abcs (or should i put UIA?), teachers got to go thru the pain of teaching alphabets, the abc song will have to change... a disaster i say
anyway, this is once again, a figure of speech. one good time to say it would be when you and your
* if you have absolutely no idea what that book is about (gasp, what if its the reflections log?) here are a few pointers to keep you looking interested and knowledgeable as you already look.
a) try to get a sneak peak at the title of the book. lets state an example, let the person who is saying pick up lines be kirstene and the
be OII
kirstene: (takes a sneak peek of the cover page) reading Animal Farm?
OII: yeah. its a really great book.
kirstene: i like it too.
OII: really? you think so? i think its a really clever book.
kirstene: yes! i mean, some books are clever, some books are smart, but this is just so intelligent. (pointer: exagerate on what s/he says, like how you answer history questions)
OII: cool. what's your favourite chara?
kirstene: you know, the main one. the one always being talked about. (pointer: always say the main chara)
OII: Napolean?
kirstene: yes, Napolean. i find him just so cool. you can never find people like that in our world )try to keep it short)
OII: really? but hes supposed to be a dictator
kirstene: that's the cool part. i mean, how many people do you get to see being a dictator nowdays? (emphasize or repeat your point. altho in her case, it would be preferred if she looked up the word dictator) whats yours? (pointer: always ask back the same question)
OII: Boxer. hes really pitiful. but hes really gullible unfortunately.
kirstene: speaking of gullible i have a joke. (pointer: change the subject)
OII: whats it?
kirstene: my parents told me im gullible and i believed them.
OII: haha
kirstene: haha
OII: whered you get that from?
kirstene: my friend told me.
OII: oh i see
kirstene: how do you suppose the word gullible was formed?(pointer: try to relate the subject to english as much as possible)
OII: (explains how he suppose the word gullible was formed)
kirstene: you know, if i could rearrange the alphabet, i would put you and i together.
3. Hey I'm mr/s right. someone said you were looking for me
of course, make sure that you emphasize mr right isnt really your name.
one good way would be to call that person up and try to make her guess your name. you answer by saying no and then the pick up line. but one thing about using phones is that she may hang up on you if she thought you dialed the wrong number like how you did when somebody prank called you saying you bought a set of encyclopedia
4. do you have a bandaid? cause i scraped my knee falling in love with you
undoubtly, you dont have to fall to say you fell in love with your OII. one good way for guys is to pretend you injured your knee and pretend you are in GREAT PAIN, so painful you could play poker with a kingkong. when she comes over and being so caring and concerned strike at that moment. put on your pitiful face and doggy eyes and whimper if you must. that would surely melt her heart. (well technically no, she will die and youll be brought to court for indirect murder)
girls, to prove your feminity, change the pickup line to ...cause i injured myself. you moan in pain, try to go as low as possible, afterall, these men are still going through puberty. try to moan in "ffffff" "ahhhhhhhh" "KKKKKK". when he asks, say that line, moving your hands along your thighs to show the fact that its your legs that's injured, and if you could possible wear low cut and bend as low as possible. i could swear you will see their pants crinkle.
5. Do you believe in love at first sight? or do i have to walk past again?
my mother is nagging at me to
walk past you OII and flirt a little with him. catwalk if you can. flip your skirt as high as possible. flip your hair. electricfy him with your insightly eyes (pun intended)
for guys, just walk casually past her and brush her hand a bit. that'll take her notice. then smile at her and walk towards her and shoot.
well, its been fun writing. looks like my writing life has come to an end. my humour is eloping with drousiness and the
DISCLAIMER: NO RESPONSIBILITIES WILL BE TAKEN IF ANY OF THE ABOVE DOES NOT WORK AND RESULTS IN EVEN MORE PERSONAL ATTACKS TOWARDS YOU PHYSICAL ATTRIBUTES. THANK YOU FOR THE TROUBLE TAKEN TO ACTUALLY USE THE PICK UP LINES.
rainy days never stay, 7:24 am.
