Friday, September 28
ZAN'S GUIDE TO MAKING OUT WITH MY FRIENDS!
Yes this is the third book! this time, in the series of inmoral tips im teaching you, im gonna teach you how to make out with my friends! (If you dare take the risk) Well, no time for words, let's welcome thecontestants beauties!*coughpukecough*
Beauty #1
Kirstene
About her:
Short, puffy, mushroomed haired, shes the best partner if you're a hairstylist! Loves Mango and Topshop, especially that black leather jacket and leather pants whom her friend really really wants.
Has inverted negative A cup boobs.
Second favourite time of the year is the pomegrate season.
Self proclaimed polar bear/square/sealion
Believes in Japanese singing getais
Loves cheem cheem movies with no tail or head.
So philosophical her blog is unexpectedly nice to read.
Loves Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless mind, Brokeback Mountain, Donny Darko and me :)
What she says:
"This is so shitty!"
how you should woo her:
she is one philosophical person so you should amaze her with your vast knowledge of unexplainable stuff. talk about Confuscious, because she has no idea who the heck he is. If you make the puppy eyes, maybe she'll consider. if you're a gay, all the more she'll like you!
Walk up to her and flash your dazzling smile, flip your long black hair and flip open your handphone, "Hi can I have your number?". Make sure your wallpaper is either any of the above movies mentioned, or Confuscious. If possible, strum your guitar and play her favourite songs: Dadada - Cyndi Wang, Mice like Rice - Jocie, Butterfly - DDR. note - DO NOT sing off tune.
Beauty #2
Zing
About her:
Bimbotic-est bimbo-in-denial you (and probably the rest of the world) would have ever seen
Loves Kaka, Boys like Girls, Zac Effron, Channing Tatum, Fahrenheit, amanda (:
Loves anything pink
Takes ahell bloody long short while longer than average people to process jokes and then burst out laughing
Amused at everything
Singsoutoftune fairly
Unglam
Dao
Best friends with Beauty #3
What she says:
*giggles*"I..."*giggles**breathes**breathes**giggles**giggles somemore**breathes**breathes*"BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!"
"Uh!"
"Whatever"
"Loser!"
"I knew that"
*sings soprano*
"Fork and Spoon! Fork and Spoon!"
How you should woo her
Well, the easiest way out for thepoor defenseless guy admirer to chase her is to become a bimbo himself. She especialy loves pink stuff, so you should buy pink stuff for her. HOWEVER, please have full preparation to upsize to a spastic bimbotic boyfriend when around her.
You should keep "stealing" (you know what i mean) looks at her and whenever she caught your eye, turn back and giggle. Then, walk over to her and do spastic things with her! Firstly she'll dao you and make you a total fool of yourself in public and may probably be published in The Straits TImes the next day and you may suffer from so much humiliation you might as well die, but it's ok, her daos are always scarily unscary. Keep persisting and she'll warm up to you, and you two will look so cutely spastic/spastically cute together! which is going to make you two a total fool of yourselves in public and may probably be published in The Straits TImes the next day and you may suffer from so much humiliation you might as well die.
Beauty #3
Sharonlion
About her:
dao
Actually quite pretty
But very talkative
Talks about the most random stuff of all. (what happened this morning >> how she got her contacts >> her spastic cousin. get the connection? actually i dont either, but thats the point)
A lion
Has a record of eighteen clips in her hair!
Cannot stand funny faces from two of her friends who constantly turns around to make her laugh
Favourite hideout is the mirror
Best friends with Beauty #2
What she says:
"Huh? What you say?"
How to woo her:
This is a tough one. hmm.. firstly, you should reconsider the fact on why you even like her, and if its for her looks, they dont last forever. Well, if you're so bent on chasing her I can't intterupt the course of true love. She appears very dao, but is actually very friendly, just doesnt talk much.
Walk up to her and present her with a box of nice black hairclips, the more the better. Make sure it's branded, Hairclip Empodirium or something. When she dao you, dao her back and make funny faces. Keep on trying, it'll work.
Beauty #4
YINGBINTHEnotsoGREAT
About her:
Supposedly worshipped by Mr. Lee Hsien Long.
Loves : too much to list, but you have more things to choose from. there's a variety!
Has a cute laughter
Damn flirt (right? *winkwinknudgenudge*) but the irritating thing is that she's good at it
Yearns for a MP3
Used to be cool
Bowls (got muscles in her leg one leh! Dont pray pray ah!)
Loves taking zi lian pictures
What she says:
"Ahahaha! Loser!"
"FFFF!!! AHHHHH!!!! KERRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!"
"nia~"
How you should woo her:
Actually you would have to interview her boyfriends. Usually if you're cool and horny you make the cut.
Walk up to her and do very cool moves, like flipping your handphone and your hair at the same time, now you are a good multitasker, my man. Do some horny stuff which she really likes, or try to do the Zac Effron pose: touch your chest by sliding your hand under your shirt, so as to delicately reveal your abs and look to the right. (dont ask me who came up with that pose) if your vocals allow, sing some HSM songs, like Breaking Free (dont tell me how late i am, i know) then say some very romantic stuff (refer to Cliche make out lines post) and once she goes "ahhh" thats your cue.
Beauty #5
Mei Gen!
About her:
Big chested but small bodied
Goes high easily
When she gets high, she starts singing out of tune
Loves Fahrenheit - Arron, Wuzun, Jiro,... and... who's the last one?
Natural eyeliner (plastic surgery la, tsk tsk tsk)
HATES unhealthy stuff (in contrary to many of you normal people out there)
makes alot of notes (record 9 chapters within 2 days!! :O)
apparently has a hobby of cutting others' hair when she was young
Can really dao!!
Loves doodling the words M and 2 all over her science textbook...
Nutritionist
Best friends with a wonderful girl (:
What she says:
"Sugar! Fats!"
"Climb the stairs everyday"
How to woo her:
You must be short, be in a very widely renowned idol group with a magazine line of your own and starr in 2 series involving two dimensions. If you think you make the cut, READ THE NEXT SENTENCE, LIKE DUH. she enjoys talking on msn, so it would be best if you walk up to her, slide your Samsung Ultra phone open and ask, "can i have your email adress?" to which she'll reply with the email address she had since p4, complete with utter spasticness. then talk to her on msn and do spastic things to her, like telling her "To recycle, you take a plstic bag, go down and buy chicken rice but ask the auntie put the chicken rice in the plastic bag because the styrofoam box will destroy the environment. then you go take bus brin g the washed plastic bag along and you feel sick, so you conveniently whip out the plastic bag and pour out all your sadness and agony into it, then you bring home and wash it then you go downstairs buy chicken rice again."
And we have come to the end of the book. however, this is only part one. you dont think i would be so pathetic as to only have 6 friends, do you? Ha! no! the whole world is my friends! i just arranged the friends in order of spasticness. altho contestant #3 should have swopped places with contestant #6, but i cant bear to separate the two lion and parrot apart. that would be just... too.. cruel *cries*
anyway, im having some internet connection problem now so being able to post this post is a miracle. when imy internet is fixed i will bring myself to post the pictures of thebeauties
of course, they love the wonderful and wondrous Anime/Manga - BLEACH!! :D
come'on, dont deny it.
Trailer: Coming up next in this spastic series: a terriblly zilian prefect, a whining softballer, a bimbotic dancer, and a funnily comical cartoonist! All compiled in one book - just to satisfy yourfantasies boredom.
-Zan
Yes this is the third book! this time, in the series of inmoral tips im teaching you, im gonna teach you how to make out with my friends! (If you dare take the risk) Well, no time for words, let's welcome the
Beauty #1
Kirstene
About her:
Short, puffy, mushroomed haired, shes the best partner if you're a hairstylist! Loves Mango and Topshop, especially that black leather jacket and leather pants whom her friend really really wants.
Has inverted negative A cup boobs.
Second favourite time of the year is the pomegrate season.
Self proclaimed polar bear/square/sealion
Believes in Japanese singing getais
Loves cheem cheem movies with no tail or head.
So philosophical her blog is unexpectedly nice to read.
Loves Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless mind, Brokeback Mountain, Donny Darko and me :)
What she says:
"This is so shitty!"
how you should woo her:
she is one philosophical person so you should amaze her with your vast knowledge of unexplainable stuff. talk about Confuscious, because she has no idea who the heck he is. If you make the puppy eyes, maybe she'll consider. if you're a gay, all the more she'll like you!
Walk up to her and flash your dazzling smile, flip your long black hair and flip open your handphone, "Hi can I have your number?". Make sure your wallpaper is either any of the above movies mentioned, or Confuscious. If possible, strum your guitar and play her favourite songs: Dadada - Cyndi Wang, Mice like Rice - Jocie, Butterfly - DDR. note - DO NOT sing off tune.
Beauty #2
Zing
About her:
Bimbotic-est bimbo-in-denial you (and probably the rest of the world) would have ever seen
Loves Kaka, Boys like Girls, Zac Effron, Channing Tatum, Fahrenheit, amanda (:
Loves anything pink
Takes a
Amused at everything
Sings
Best friends with Beauty #3
What she says:
*giggles*"I..."*giggles**breathes**breathes**giggles**giggles somemore**breathes**breathes*"BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!"
"Uh!"
"Whatever"
"Loser!"
"I knew that"
*sings soprano*
"Fork and Spoon! Fork and Spoon!"
How you should woo her
Well, the easiest way out for the
You should keep "stealing" (you know what i mean) looks at her and whenever she caught your eye, turn back and giggle. Then, walk over to her and do spastic things with her! Firstly she'll dao you and make you a total fool of yourself in public and may probably be published in The Straits TImes the next day and you may suffer from so much humiliation you might as well die, but it's ok, her daos are always scarily unscary. Keep persisting and she'll warm up to you, and you two will look so cutely spastic/spastically cute together! which is going to make you two a total fool of yourselves in public and may probably be published in The Straits TImes the next day and you may suffer from so much humiliation you might as well die.
Beauty #3
Sharonlion
About her:
dao
Actually quite pretty
But very talkative
Talks about the most random stuff of all. (what happened this morning >> how she got her contacts >> her spastic cousin. get the connection? actually i dont either, but thats the point)
A lion
Has a record of eighteen clips in her hair!
Cannot stand funny faces from two of her friends who constantly turns around to make her laugh
Favourite hideout is the mirror
Best friends with Beauty #2
What she says:
"Huh? What you say?"
How to woo her:
This is a tough one. hmm.. firstly, you should reconsider the fact on why you even like her, and if its for her looks, they dont last forever. Well, if you're so bent on chasing her I can't intterupt the course of true love. She appears very dao, but is actually very friendly, just doesnt talk much.
Walk up to her and present her with a box of nice black hairclips, the more the better. Make sure it's branded, Hairclip Empodirium or something. When she dao you, dao her back and make funny faces. Keep on trying, it'll work.
Beauty #4
YINGBINTHE
About her:
Supposedly worshipped by Mr. Lee Hsien Long.
Loves : too much to list, but you have more things to choose from. there's a variety!
Has a cute laughter
Damn flirt (right? *winkwinknudgenudge*) but the irritating thing is that she's good at it
Yearns for a MP3
Bowls (got muscles in her leg one leh! Dont pray pray ah!)
Loves taking zi lian pictures
What she says:
"Ahahaha! Loser!"
"FFFF!!! AHHHHH!!!! KERRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!"
"nia~"
How you should woo her:
Actually you would have to interview her boyfriends. Usually if you're cool and horny you make the cut.
Walk up to her and do very cool moves, like flipping your handphone and your hair at the same time, now you are a good multitasker, my man. Do some horny stuff which she really likes, or try to do the Zac Effron pose: touch your chest by sliding your hand under your shirt, so as to delicately reveal your abs and look to the right. (dont ask me who came up with that pose) if your vocals allow, sing some HSM songs, like Breaking Free (dont tell me how late i am, i know) then say some very romantic stuff (refer to Cliche make out lines post) and once she goes "ahhh" thats your cue.
Beauty #5
Mei Gen!
About her:
Big chested but small bodied
Goes high easily
When she gets high, she starts singing out of tune
Loves Fahrenheit - Arron, Wuzun, Jiro,... and... who's the last one?
Natural eyeliner (plastic surgery la, tsk tsk tsk)
HATES unhealthy stuff (in contrary to many of you normal people out there)
makes alot of notes (record 9 chapters within 2 days!! :O)
apparently has a hobby of cutting others' hair when she was young
Can really dao!!
Loves doodling the words M and 2 all over her science textbook...
Nutritionist
Best friends with a wonderful girl (:
What she says:
"Sugar! Fats!"
"Climb the stairs everyday"
How to woo her:
You must be short, be in a very widely renowned idol group with a magazine line of your own and starr in 2 series involving two dimensions. If you think you make the cut, READ THE NEXT SENTENCE, LIKE DUH. she enjoys talking on msn, so it would be best if you walk up to her, slide your Samsung Ultra phone open and ask, "can i have your email adress?" to which she'll reply with the email address she had since p4, complete with utter spasticness. then talk to her on msn and do spastic things to her, like telling her "To recycle, you take a plstic bag, go down and buy chicken rice but ask the auntie put the chicken rice in the plastic bag because the styrofoam box will destroy the environment. then you go take bus brin g the washed plastic bag along and you feel sick, so you conveniently whip out the plastic bag and pour out all your sadness and agony into it, then you bring home and wash it then you go downstairs buy chicken rice again."
And we have come to the end of the book. however, this is only part one. you dont think i would be so pathetic as to only have 6 friends, do you? Ha! no! the whole world is my friends! i just arranged the friends in order of spasticness. altho contestant #3 should have swopped places with contestant #6, but i cant bear to separate the two lion and parrot apart. that would be just... too.. cruel *cries*
anyway, im having some internet connection problem now so being able to post this post is a miracle. when imy internet is fixed i will bring myself to post the pictures of the
of course, they love the wonderful and wondrous Anime/Manga - BLEACH!! :D
come'on, dont deny it.
Trailer: Coming up next in this spastic series: a terriblly zilian prefect, a whining softballer, a bimbotic dancer, and a funnily comical cartoonist! All compiled in one book - just to satisfy your
-Zan
rainy days never stay, 8:13 am.
